Being Seen: Can Toxic Shame Cause Someone To Hide?
There are a number of things that human beings need, and one thing they need is to be seen for who they are. And in order for this to take place, it will be necessary for them to feel comfortable in their own skin.
If they don’t feel comfortable with who they are, it will be a challenge for them to be themselves. It can then be normal for one to hide who they are, and this is going to stop them from being seen by others.
Now, this is not to say that other people won’t be able to see them; what it means is that they won’t see their true-self. The people one comes into contact with will end up seeing their false-self, and this is going to cause them to suffer.
But even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that other people will always realise this. Most of the people who one comes into contact with could believe that this is who they are.
In The Background
Due to the role that they play, they could come across as someone who is shy or withdrawn, for instance. Therefore, there is a strong chance that a lot of people won’t even notice them, and one could be used to feeling invisible.
And while this could be something that frustrates them, it will also be something that feels comfortable. Through fading into the background, there will be less chance of them being put on them spot.
The pain that they experience from being on the sidelines won’t be as bad as the pain they would experience through being seen. So while they will suffer, it will be something that they are willing to tolerate.
If they were to come out of the shadows and to stand out, it will be seen as something that will cause them even more pain. The thought of being seen by others could cause them to experience anxiety and fear.
Through behaving in this way, they may find that it hasn’t been possible for them to get very far in life. When it comes to their career, they may have a job that they don’t enjoy, or if they do enjoy it, they may stop themselves from taking the next step.
If they are in a relationship, they could be with someone who completely overshadows them. One is then going to feel ignored in this area of their life, and they might even be with someone who is abusive.
The Other Side
It could then be said that one’s life is not going to be very fulfilling, and they might even have moments when they wonder why they are even here. However, even though someone doesn’t feel comfortable with who they are, it doesn’t mean that they will experience life in this way.
As while one can embrace how they feel, they can also end up disconnecting from what is taking place within them. This can then cause them to create a false-self that will allow them to stand out.
In The Foreground
What this can then mean is that other people will see them as someone who isn’t afraid to be the centre of attention. This is not to say that they will be popular though, as they could be seen as someone who is a bit full of themselves.
One could find that they only feel comfortable when they experience life in this way, and if they were on the sidelines, they could end up feeling angry. It will then be important for them to do everything they can to gain people’s attention.
When it comes to their career, they could do something that they enjoy, and they may have been able to rise to the top of their profession. A lot of people could see them as someone who has ‘made it’.
And if they are in an intimate relationship, it could mean that they are with someone who makes them look good. In fact, they could be more concerned with spending time with people who will make them look good than they are with people who they actually connect with at a deeper level.
A Closer Look
So although someone like this can come across as though they have everything together, this is nothing more than an illusion. Ultimately, they are still hiding; the difference is that they are hiding behind their success.
What they have built up externally allows them to keep how they feel about themselves at bay. And if how they feel comes to the surface, they will probably end up doing something to avoid how they feel.
Hiding in Plain Site
Regardless of what they have achieved, the people around them are not going to know who they are; they will only know the role they play. If they were to let go of this role, they would have to face how they feel about themselves.
On the other hand, when one faces how they feel about themselves, other people will be able to see that they are hiding. What this shows is that one can hide from others or they can hide in front of others, but this still relates to their false-self.
In The Way
If one felt comfortable with their true-self, they wouldn’t need to stay small and neither would they need to achieve things in order to feel good about themselves. One would be in touch with their inherent value and they would feel safe enough to be themselves.
What can stop this from taking place is if one is carrying toxic shame, and this will cause them to feel as though they are inherently flawed. And it won’t matter what they do, as this will have permeated their whole being.
The reason that they are experiencing life in this way can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected.
If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer.
Source by Oliver JR Cooper