Suicidal depression Part 1 -Recovery- from major depression- My story
PLEASE Read this that i wrote :Serious Depression and where it can lead to, in being one of the biggest killers of men in the western world through suicide, and probably other parts of the world, is still so misunderstood by many and is still not talked about so much, with a lot of well meaning ignorance still around by people who have never had it, yet may say to you… ‘snap out of it’ or ‘pull yourself together’ and other cliches, and while there may be a grain of truth in those statements, anyone who has hit the hell of rock bottom where it has taken you to the very edge, would know you cant just ‘snap out of it’ but you can sure as hell come out of it quicker with a genuine attempt by those around you to be there for you and with a dedication from yourself also to tackle it. See the whole person and not just the label of ‘depression’ and dont judge someone because of a particular period in their life when they were at rock bottom and they acted out of character in the things they did or said to you.
Human beings are complex and as such depression isnt a one size fits all thing, you cannot put everyone in the same category.
Its something i know a lot about and has cost me a relationship with someone I loved dearly amongst other things. For me it (serious depression) isnt there a lot of the time but when i feel it returning i now realise its something i have to manage, and do so in a drug free way to ensure it doesnt return again with a force that will steal time, hope and nearly my life. And if not my physical life then life/joy itself or any contentment.
Depression is an oversued word and isn’t just about feeling a bit down or having a bad day or a bad week. It is unlike diabetes or any other illness in that it is your life itself that is steals and your hope and at its worst is truly frightening. It is a complex thing and is often about a search for meaning, a search for peace of mind and of making sense of the past. It is about making sense of this life we lead, and our place in the world and who we are. It is a reaction to guilt and shame over something perhaps also.
Depression is always about loss of one type or another, loss of important relationships, loss of dreams, loss of time. And maybe its necessary to go through it in order to change for the better or to make sense of this thing we call life and our place in the world. Feeling worthless and like you are a bad person or carrying around a lot of guilt can contribute hugely to depression. When you wake up at 4am with your stomach in knots and your sleep in general is bad and you cant eat because you are not hungry, it is a very hard thing to get out of. You can feel as if you are going mad. The truth is, why would you try and improve anything when you feel bad about yourself ? Or that you are a terrible person, why would you try if on some level you didnt feel you deserved to be happy. So in dealing with depression we have to first accept ourselves as being worthy of happiness
As a society life is so much easier for most of us than 60 or 70 years ago, at least for those in the affluent west, but in some ways it isnt, we are bombarded daily with technology of one sort or another and its a very fast paced life for many, with endless choices of things. You’d think we would be generally happier as a world, im not sure it’s the case ? Its nice to think that money, possessions and a nice job/career would be enough to keep us immune from depression, but its not always so. Though money may buy you a better quality of misery for sure !!
Peace of mind really is everything in life though. And Life can be pretty amazing, it can also be rubbish at times too, its all about finding a balance and knowing that nothing lasts forever and all we have is this moment. ( pseudo intellectual waffling there justin)…Yeah i know, maybe it is !!
Books I would recommend to understand depression more if you don’t already, are : Shoot the damn dog by Sally Brampton, and Sunbathing in the rain by Gwyneth Lewis and also :Depression : the way out of your prison by Dorothy Rowe and also Overcoming depression by Paul Gilbert.
If you are interested to read more on this topic click on the blogs and stories on this great website link below and scroll down to read, click on the red coloured headers to read more, though you didnt need me to say that, doh. There is so much more i could say on this topic but i dont wanna get repetitive strain injury typing it all… and you dont wanna get eye strain reading it! …
Depression is one of the biggest killers of men in the U.k and other countries through suicide. Take it seriously, true depression is not just feeling a bit low or sorry for yourself. You must know by reading the papers or just observing your local community that it takes peoples lives. I wish you all the best in your recovery if you are going through depression right now.